Most difficult part of marriage… Life.

Life is hard and let’s face it, none of us walk into a relationship without issues and life throws curve balls all the time, which expose your flaws and weaknesses. So marriage is hard work, because it’s incredibly easy to become complacent in your relationship, because it’s so familiar and in the process forgetting that as life is changing you, it’s also changing the other person and to keep up with that progress. To remain in touch with your spouse’s needs and at the same time being honest about your own growth and needs… It’s the constant stopping and checking up on your relationship, nurturing it, but allowing yourself to grow is hard. It’s hard because life isn’t romantic sunset walks on the beach, it’s international deployments, infertility, relocations, financial strain, illness, occupational stress, dysfunctional families and nowhere to be seen friends. Marriage is hard because you promised that you will never give up and sometimes giving up feels like it would be the easiest thing to do.


Catherine (via creatingaquietmind)


(Source: earthstranger, via creatingaquietmind)


Seriously jacked up on caffeine right now

September 18, 2014

  • Unbearably sad right now, but hopefully things will look up in the morning.
  • Today, I just kinda gave up on things. I skipped my physics lecture and my compsci lecture - and I actually haven’t been doing that type of shit this year. I ran into problems with diffeq homework again, and I did a little bit then stopped. Not sure how I’m supposed to do my homework when I can’t look down without my nose running.
  • It’s 3:12 AM and I have an 8:30 tomorrow. Thursdays are my busiest days, plus I have a meeting tomorrow in a place that I didn’t know exists.
  • There’s two phrases for life/acceptance that most people hear. The first being “if you want something, go after it.” The second being “if it’s meant to happen, it’s meant to happen.” One is supremely active while the other is passive, and while both seem true, they are completely conflicting. What is one to do? Maybe if something is meant to happen you’ll want it so bad that you’ll go after it.
  • I swear I am the most overprotective piece of shit. I can’t handle imagining or seeing bad things happen to certain people; it actually makes me physically queasy. I has no chill.
  • I guess I have this predetermined notion of fraternities which is largely negative, but the guys at my office are all pretty cool. I think I’m one of two people in the office not involved in Greek life, and all of the guys are in the same frat. Anyway, they seem good. Unless they’re just really good at fronting.
  • I just don’t feel like I got a real opportunity. But I guess that means something also.
  • I’m living in this situation where I know I can and will only do nothing. And I think this mindset is what’s really killing. Because people should always be doing something…taking some sort of action, making some sort of change. Something. 
  • Tomorrow is going to be a rough day. It’ll be over soon.




If something doesn’t work exactly right, or maybe needs some special treatment, you don’t just throw it away. Everything can’t be fully operational all the time. Sometimes, we need to have the patience to give something the little nudge it needs.

- Sarah Dessen, Keeping the Moon (via quotethat)


i luv finishing 1/3 of my diffeq homework in 5 hours

(Source: iloveyoursoul, via iloveyoursoul)




i shouldn’t have laughed as much as i did


(Source: thefrogman, via timothydelaghetto)


It’s going to be a while. There are so many things I want to say, but this just isn’t the medium to say them. Maybe I’ll never get to.

Yes, she’s pretty. Maybe you are too. But now what? You say that like it means something.

- (via c0ntemplations)


On Being Alpha

I wouldn’t be writing a post, but I was laying in bed and trying to remember how a particular part of my code worked for the most recent compsci APT. In the end, it ended up bothering me so much that I got out of bed, turned on my computer, and opened eclipse to remind myself, then figured that since my computer was on, I may as well write a tumblr post.

I’ve been more cognizant of the fact lately that I have a tendency to belittle and shrug off other guys’ accomplishments and/or strong suits. Besides the cases where I’m genuinely unimpressed, I think that I have a complex where I want to feel like I’m the best. As a person who had racked up his share of proud moments throughout high school, a part of me craves this feeling.

Of course, I am well aware of the fact that I go to Duke, where I am surrounded by thousands of successful and worthy guys and gals, where my probability of experiencing this feeling is zero to none. And slowly, over the past year of so, I’ve been accepting the fact that I am not the best. 

It is strange, sometimes, to look at the people around me and realize that nearly every single one of them was outstanding prior to college. And sometimes, I do feel that presence of mind, the feeling that they crave that particular feeling just as much as I do. I can sometimes feel it in the way they talk to me, the way my ideas are occasionally dismissed, the “that’s easy” when I have a question about something. Which is fine. I’m consistently surrounded by a group of alphas, whether they’re my friends or not, which is such a unique social environment to be in. It’s interesting.

In the end, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I need to stop projecting. I am not the best, but I can work to do the best that I can. I need to be willing to accept help from those who are better than me and applaud those who have notable accomplishments. I am not better; I am just different.